Early Communication for Parents
Early Communication for Parents
Early Communication for Parents
Podcast Transcript
Jeremy Lynch:
Awesome. Wow. That really resonates with me. I have a 14-year-old daughter about to start high school and the spending time part, you know, she’s starting to get pretty independent. So she’s got a lot of things going on and you know, you brought up bake sale and I do most of the baking for her. I don’t attend the actual bake sale, but I bake for her. And we are just trying to get that communication down where she feels comfortable telling me what’s going on and her mom obviously, so that if there is something that’s happening, whether bullying or some kind of abuse from a, a friend or a boyfriend or whatever that she’s comfortable. Like you said, for us trying to raise a good human that understands that, you know, you don’t have to go through all this alone.
Jessica Pride:
I think that’s, yeah, that’s a really important point. And the other thing is it’s important to have these conversations with your kids early. You know, I think as early as fifth grade, when they start getting education about their bodies and puberty and all of that stuff, you know, tier it as, you know, it needs to be age-specific, but as they grow older, you really need to have a conversation about healthy relationships and talking about what are boundaries for someone, you know, no one should touch your body. No one should get into your personal space without your permission. And what does it look like to have a healthy relationship with a teacher? You know, things like you shouldn’t be in the teacher’s car after school, without your parent’s permission or the teacher shouldn’t buy you presence. You shouldn’t be in a classroom with a teacher, you know, by yourself, closed doors, after school, any teacher who talks to you about their personal dating relationship or tells you, “Hey, I think you’re really mature and I wanna be your confidant. Let’s keep secrets.” These are all conversations that parents need to have with their children. Unfortunately, most of the schools aren’t teaching this we’re working here in San Diego to make sure that that is something that is generic, that is taught to old children. In the meantime, parents need to have those conversations with their kids, no texting with your teacher about personal stuff, inappropriate and telling kids grooming. Most kids don’t know what that word means. There’s a lot of teachers that I’ve deposed that don’t know what the word grooming means, but grooming is the process by which teachers, you know, or adults or coaches or whatever they wear down the barriers, the boundaries for kids. And they groom them into first. It’s maybe an accidental, you know, it’s asking something inappropriate, an accidental pat on the bud you know, this or that. And it’s a slippery slope because then one day my kids will always say, or, you know, my clients, “I don’t know how this happened.”
And next thing you know, they’re engaging in, you know, they’re not engaging. They’re being abused by someone they trusted. And that’s another thing kids need to understand is that the person that is going to potentially abuse them is gonna be someone they know someone they care about. And someone they thought would never hurt them. Being able to one, recognize it and have that little, you know, siren go off in your head and say, okay, now that we told you what the red flags are, the warning signs, I need you to feel comfortable to come and talk to me, mom and dad, aren’t gonna be mad at you. If you share this with me, or if this person told you they’re gonna kill me or hurt me. If you say anything, I want you to know I’m okay. I can take care of myself. You come to tell me because I’m gonna protect you. Kids try to protect their parents. They think somehow, you know, they’re, they’re gonna save them, but their children, their children, and they need help. And as soon as something like that happens, I mean, you call the cops. You talk to the school, you call someone like me because predators are never one-hit wonders, never I’ve yet to find a predator that only had one victim, they abuse and abuse and abuse until they get caught. And the longer they don’t get caught, the more bold they get in their victimization.
Childhood Sexual Abuse May Be More Prevalent Than You Think
Every parent or caregiver’s worst nightmare is their child experiencing any kind of emotional or physical harm; sexual abuse is completely unthinkable. Unfortunately, childhood sexual abuse still occurs all too often despite our best efforts. In fact, every 9 minutes a child is sexually assaulted in America. Perhaps what’s even more startling is the fact that more than 90% of childhood sexual abuse survivors know their perpetrator.
Childhood sexual abuse can easily go undetected. Oftentimes, children are conditioned to look up to and obey their elders and their close friends and family. However, this conditioning can leave trusting children vulnerable to heinous acts. Because children are so impressionable, it can be hard for them to differentiate between things that are okay and things that perceived figures of authority are pressuring them to do, but which should not occur.
Sexual abuse of any kind carries lasting emotional trauma that can affect a survivor long into adulthood. By establishing open communication and ensuring a safe space for children to voice their emotions, we can help detect, and hopefully prevent childhood traumas from occurring. It can be difficult to identify and call out trauma for what it is. This is because as trauma is suppressed, it starts to feel normalized.
Trauma can blur the lines between pain and peace and skew our sense of comfort. That is why it is so important to be aware of some of the most common long-term effects of childhood abuse.
Understanding the Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse
1. Depression, Anxiety, & PTSD
Going through a traumatic event can make you feel extremely isolated. It can feel like there’s no one to turn to, and this isolation can lead to depression. Depressive tendencies include retracting from loved ones, ceasing beloved activities and hobbies, and avoiding social interactions.
Many children who have experienced childhood trauma develop anxiety that stays with them into adulthood. According to the American Counseling Association, studies have shown that survivors of childhood sexual abuse exhibit similar levels of stress and anxiety to war veterans.
2. Substance Abuse
Survivors of sexual trauma will sometimes seek to numb their pain through substances like drugs and alcohol. Instead of coming to terms with the fact that an injustice has occurred, it can seem easier to push it aside and drown out negative thoughts at all costs.
Because society and media have conditioned victims of sexual abuse to believe that they are party to the crime, it can be very difficult to admit (even to yourself) that abuse has occurred. Drinking and using narcotics can temporarily dull painful memories and emotions, but in turn, these can also cause irreversible long-term health issues.
3. Lack of Confidence & Self-Worth
Since it is usually close friends or family members who commit acts of sexual abuse, children can tend to think highly of their abusers and, in turn, blame themselves for the abuse. This leads to internalizing feelings of guilt, shame, and remorse.
Over time these emotions cause self-doubt and a lack of self-confidence. Examples of this could be: not speaking up in class, not going after a promotion, or even saying yes to requests that impede upon one’s autonomy and personal boundaries.
4. Eating Disorders
The feelings of guilt associated with sexual abuse can also manifest as an eating disorder. Food is often a form of comfort. Many people find solace in eating the foods that remind us of home and our childhoods, but for survivors of sexual assault, this relationship with food can become strained. It can become difficult to properly nourish one’s body when you don’t think your body deserves nourishment.
It can also be tempting to seek to alter one’s physical appearance through obsessive eating habits (be it over-eating, starvation, or bingeing and purging) in an effort to regain control over one’s physicality. Unhealthy eating habits can lead to severe health consequences such as heart disease and diabetes.
5. Suicide
Perhaps the worst possible result that can come of repressed trauma from childhood sexual abuse is suicide. When the burden feels too heavy and the pain seems too great to bear, survivors can find it impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, help is available by calling (800) 273-8255. There is always someone standing by to talk when the pain of trauma seems insurmountable.
The Pride Law Firm understands that it is extremely difficult to carry the burden of traumas by yourself. However, you’re not alone. We are here to help empower survivors and create positive change by holding sexual assault perpetrators accountable for their actions.
We Advocate for Sexual Abuse Survivors of All Ages — Contact The Pride Law Firm Today.
Whether you are an adult coming to terms with the harsh realities of your past, or you fear for the wellbeing of a young loved one, the time to speak up is now. It is highly important to speak to a civil attorney before your statute of limitations (filing window) runs out, or you may lose your opportunity to seek civil justice. Filing requirements may be subject to change over time; for instance, the lookback window for the statute of limitations in California for adult victims of child sexual abuse may be closing soon.
An advocate like Jessica Pride can help re-establish a sense of confidence and comfort by seeking justice and providing compassionate friendship. Together, we can foster a safe environment where survivors can talk about their burdens openly without fear of judgment.
This is not always easy, but by seeking counsel with an understanding professional, victims become survivors, and traumas become manageable. The first step is often the most difficult, but Jessica Pride and the team at The Pride Law Firm are here to offer confidential, compassionate representation to any and all survivors of sexual assault or abuse. If you or a loved one need an advocate, give us a call at (619) 330-9564 and get the help you deserve.
